Hi Lovelies!
I hope you are all having a happy & healthy week. I've been a very busy lady lately with work, taking over a volunteer role at church, visiting the newest addition to our clan & spending time with my husband, friends, dogs & trying to fit in time to keep up with my workouts. These are all such positive things & I feel very fulfilled and satisfied in my life.
Those of you that know me know that I always strive to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I am trying like crazy to achieve my goal weight (15 more pounds to go) and it has been tough. I have been taking some amazing classes at the gym, but I decided to step up my game on Saturday. I took a class at the Y called Body Attack & it attacked my body. It was so difficult, but I will be there again this Saturday! After my workout I treated myself to a little spa day with a friend while Troy & her husband played golf. Afterward we were treated to an amazing dinner by Troy's golf partner. Steaks, potatoes, crab cakes, wine & amaretto cake (maybe this is why this 15 pounds isn't coming off...). We really needed a weekend like this, it had been a while. I think life can become so mundane sometimes. I know I say this all the time, but we really have the most incredible friends in the world! Thank you so much, D & J!
I think working on our health is important to live a long & healthy life, but equally essential is our character. What are people going to say about me when I am gone? How do I treat strangers? My family? My friends? The homeless guy at 1-10 and 99? I believe our life experiences, environment & personality play factors in how we move about in this world. For such a long time (and even now) I've had this urge to tell people EVERYTHING I am thinking. Seriously, it's like a disease. Example: I was at a clothing/accessory store a few days ago (SHOCKER!) & I was looking at this clutch. It was pleather, but very cute. They wanted $35 for it & I thought that was way too much. I told the manager (in a very polite way) that I really thought all of their stuff way overpriced for the quailty. I told her I thought their stuff should be priced like Forever 21's merchandise. I went on to ask her why she thought anyone would pay $35 for a pleather clutch (it was small). I told her I knew we weren't in China & not on a barter system, but I needed to get this off my chest. She looked at me & had no idea what to say. I started back peddling. I meant every word of what I said & it wasn't a personal attack on her, but I felt bad. After I speak my mind I start to feel like...oh maybe that didn't have to be said. I don't want to live like that. It is not my desire to walk around destroying everyone in my wake. I do have the overwhelming impulse to say exactly what is on my mind. ALL. THE. TIME. I can honestly tell you that about 8 times out of 10 it does not come from a place of anger. I just want to share. It is continuously on my prayer list & if you are a praying person please pray that I use my words wisely. That I realize it is okay to hold some things back.
I see a Christian counselor on a regular basis & I visited her office yesterday. We discussed how I get really frustrated when others don't do things the way I think they should. When someone doesn't "get it" or they don't understand something as quickly as I do or they aren't willing to work in life I get downright pissed. I don't like excuses & I never have, but I make them all the time. Troy makes me yell at him. The lady behind me at the store caused me to give her a dirty look. She was in my personal space & that is not okay. My family causes me to lash out at them. R, my counselor, set me straight really quick. I am an adult who is responsible for my own actions. I cannot control the actions of another person, but I have absolute control of my response. I get a big, huge, fat F in this area of my life. If someone crosses me I am ready to go to war & I hold nothing back. If you have been on the receiving end of this I am sorry. I've said on this blog before that I think anger is an easier emotion to express than pain. When I lash out in those ways it is because I am in terrible pain & it has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with me. It is no excuse & not at all acceptable behavior. Even though my counselor and I had this discussion just yesterday I failed to remember what I learned & failed miserably last night when someone upset me. It was a choice, as adults we have choices & I made the choice to behave badly. It will be my life's work to control my emotions and make better choices.
I am here to love other people and to lend them a helping hand when I can. I don't have to worry about who is doing what. That isn't my concern. It is really hard for me, in the heat of the moment, to remember that. It is extremely difficult when love is involved & I want the best for those I love. I have to keep in mind that I'm not God. I'm called to be a loving sister, a supportive wife, a loyal friend & a follower that spreads the Good News. I am imperfect & I will mess up. I am thankful that I have a Father that is forgiving & loves me just as I am. I want those that love me to know that I am constantly thinking about how I can improve. My heart is a compassionate one, but you already know that. My love is unconditional & you know that, too.
Romans 12:19 "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay, 'says The Lord"
On the agenda this week: Work, working out, mexican food with friends, visiting little C, hopefully some fun in the sun & church.
What are your plans? Anything fun?
Have a great week!
alicia
No comments:
Post a Comment