Beginning of the End

Hi!  My name is Alicia & I am a 35 year old, happily married, dog loving, suburb dwelling woman.  My mom is also a drug addict.  The prior sentence could not be included in the description of myself because it does not define me.  It is not my fault & it is not my problem.  But it does effect me in ways that I am still discovering. 

I have 3 siblings & I am the eldest.  I could take you all the way back to birth, but I will spare you those details.  We moved around quite a bit when I was a kid.  My freshman year in high school we moved because my mom & stepdad were separating.  We moved from a house with a pool into an apartment.  I cried when I saw it.  Not that the house or my step dad were anything special, but we were uprooting again.  I had to make new friends again and my mom was sad.  Again. 

My mom worked as a waitress, something she had always done.  We were alone a lot.  When she wasn't working she was out partying, doing drugs & being a single woman forgetting about the four kids at home who needed her.  When she came home she would often bring random men with her.  When she didn't come home I was worried sick & scared.  I remember being very protective of her & my siblings though.  I wanted her to be okay & I wanted them to be okay.  Sometimes I think back to those times and I don't know how I came out on the other side.  I guess I  was just so concerned with everyone else that I didn't have time to think about the gravity of the situation I was in. I just survived.  I survived for myself & for my siblings.  A lot of times I think I saved them (how arrogant can I be), but maybe they saved me. 

Thanks for reading.

*I will be writing everyday & even though I may seem to end a post abruptly I can assure you I will continue.