Sunday

Good morning!  I love morning time.  It is a gorgeous day here in Katy, Texas.  I'm sipping my coffee anticipating a great day filled with fellowship at church & then an awesome workout at the Y.  I take a class called Body Combat & it is so much fun & INTENSE.  When I leave the gym I feel stronger & better after taking that class.

I should've mentioned in my first post that I am a faithful follwer of Jesus & I do believe it is solely because of His amazing Grace that I sit here today.  Not only do I sit here "normal" (what does that mean anyway), but I do have a great deal of clarity.  I am not perfect.  In fact I am far from it, but I hope when I die my purpose has aligned with what He expects/expected from me.  I strive to love others like He loves me & to be a kind, compassionate person. 

Last night when I went to bed I was so happy that I finally started a blog.  It's something I've wanted to do for quite some time.  I thought I wanted to start a fashion blog because I follow a lot of them & the ladies that write them truly inspire me.  I love fashion.  I always really have, but when I was out of work for a year I really, really became enthralled in it.  Of course, when you are open & honest about your life there is a great deal of vunerability that comes along with that.  Someone could judge or hurt me because of what I am saying in this blog.  Those were my thoughts as I laid my head on my pillow.  My next thought was it's okay.  It is okay of someone doesn't like what I am writing because this isn't about them.  This is about me.  This is my story & this is my life.  I also her voices saying "Come on girl you are 35 years old now, get over it."  I also heard "Everyone has a story, no one had a perfect childhood."  I think there is a misconception that when you grow up you no longer need your parents.  Sure you don't need them in the ways you used to, but you still crave them.  I always will.  This never gets easier.  To be quite frank there is no end in sight either.  My mom is still alive (this sheer fact is a freaking miracle) & she is still very much a drug addict.  It is not over.  Will it ever be over?  I am sad that she is here living the way she is & I will be sad when she is gone.  I will be sad about what could have been.  I will be sad that she never experienced life in the ways I did.  I will be sad because she could never quite get it together.  I will be sad because we never had  mother/daughter lunches, we never took shopping trips & we never got manicures and pedicures together.  I will be sad because I will never drop my child off to mom's so the husband & I can have date night.  I will be sad because she never knew me.  The real me.  I will be sad because she never knew the real her & she never realized her own potential.

So yeah, to those that may criticize me, I say this.  Don't.  Don't say a word because this is not about you.  This is my truth.  And this is the truth for many people in the world.  Drug addiction claims the lives of many & it's not just the person using the drugs.  It is every person in close proximity.  It does not discriminate.  It will take your heart & stomp it into the ground.  It will chew you up & spit you out.  It is unforgiving & it does not care about you & your feelings. 

Have a great Sunday everyone.  I am late for church.  Bye!